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Choosing, not changing how you live your life
By Sarah Denholm

Have you set any goals recently, and if so, how are they going? Are you still fired up and raring to go? Or has daily life got in the way?

Mystery writer Lawrence Block once wrote that all fiction consists of people dealing with ďone damn thing after anotherĒ. If this is how you feel about your day at times (donít most of us!) and the gloss has already been sanded off your shiny new dreams, (sorry, I have painters working outside my flat at the moment) perhaps you might like to consider reframing those goals.

When you look at your goal(s), are you putting your attention on changing an aspect of yourself or your life? How about looking at it from a different angle and choosing to create something instead? A lot of people feel resistant (often subconsciously) to the word change and shut down in response, whereas to choose implies options. The former can dramatically close down the willingness level within us, whereas the latter opens the door to possibility.

The requirement to change yourself also goes hand in hand with the dreaded willpower/self-discipline dance. I have found from experience that when I force myself to stick to a goal-plan, I might be able to grit my teeth and keep the regime going for a few days - even weeks - but eventually I come unstuck, because the whole endeavor involves effort and restriction. Just thinking about it now is enough to wear me out!

However, if instead I choose to see myself in a certain way, with the end result in mind, I am creating something positive. Again, itís the difference between discipline - causing resistance - and willingness, which melts that resistance and creates acceptance. There will always be a tension between where you are now and where you want to be, so use that tension as energy, a springboard. How can you let it pull you towards your goals, rather than pushing yourself all the way to the finish line?

When you are choosing what it is that you want to create, set it up so that as Wayne Dyer puts it, youíre against nothing; aim to state what you want in positive rather than negative terms. For example, if youíre planning to lose weight, keep in your mind the image and feeling of yourself as glowing with health and energy, rather than running a script where you are continually having to say no to that gooey piece of cake beckoning you!

For those of you who know what it is you want but are feeling almost incapable of moving towards it, remember that only action will remove paralysis and fear. Once you decide what you choose to create in your life, take a step towards it, and trust in the creative process. No, the path may not be as straightforward as you hope for, but you will be able to respond as situations arise, thatís how life works.

If you hover and wait until everything is right before you get going, itíll never happen: like riding a stationary bicycle, the wheels may be spinning madly, but youíre not going anywhere! Measure your level of desire and commitment to your goals: when you think of them, do you feel a mixture of exhilaration, excitement and fear? Thatís what you want. They must be enough to get you motivated, but not so huge that you will get discouraged. Pace yourself, and you will get there in the end. Good luck!

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Sarah is a business and life-design coach, working with individuals, entrepreneurs and independent professionals to support them to create more business and profitability, while designing a balanced, fulfilling and fun life. http://www.abundant-life-coaching.com

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